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This time I'm coming back.

So, it's really been a bit since I last posted.  Life has kept me busy and away for awhile.  I graduated from Portland State, got my bachelor's degree in Marketing and certificate in Food Industry Leadership (Retailing).  Many people keep asking me now what... I'm still working on that part.  I don't want to be stuck at Costco, but at least I have a job for now.  At 12 an hour, it's not a bad living with Matt's income. 

So, updates with my life... Matt finally has a job.  After a year and a half of searching/applying/waiting he finally has a job.  Life got a little intense for the both of us when it was just my income while I was finishing up school.  He found a full time position working monday through friday... I hope to find the same kind of job, makes me pretty jealous lol.  In fact, not only did he find a full time job, but he found one that works around his military schedule.  That's a huge thing.  Great news really.

Wedding, wedding, wedding.  I wish we had more support.  We've been working to build a life together, and I just wish that my history and actions with my family would get easier... its been a long process.  I had to set things to the side to figure out how to juggle all that I did.  I let things really slide and really build up... now I get to deal with the reprecussions of these actions.  I just wish that we get to the point where my family finally gets on my side about this... Matt isn't the monster that they are making him out to be.  I haven't changed, and if I have its been for the better.  I am going to keep the faith on this.  I want this to work out by August....

Family in general... still fighting and trying to get back to the way things were... its been hard.  My sister told me that my mom still cries herself to sleep over me.  They still think that I died when I moved out.  They have said some really horrible things... and I'm still there taking it.  I want it to be normal again, but I fear it will never be the same again.  I really broke the relationship by my actions last year... I let a lot of people down and I broke a lot of hearts.  I'm going to try to make things better again, it's just going to take time.  Tears me apart a lot of the time.  At least it's been getting better, it's just not what I want it to be.

Matt's family has been interesting... I watched the rise and the fall of Amanda's family... the wedding and the coming divorce.  Desirae is really adorable though.  She lights up when she sees me, it's just wonderful.  Caryn lived with us for a little bit, the two months of her living off us, and watching her destroy her life... now she is engaged to a guy she has been dating for four months and wants to get married the month before Matt and I.  At least with Matt and I, we have been dating for nearly two years... but four months?! She is younger than I am and I have my life more put together than her... I can't even imagine.  The things people do when they are bored.  Matt's mom is starting to go downhill... but she is still hanging in there.  She is living with her husband Dan again... she has stopped talking to Matt about what is going on, and I can tell that it bugs him.  The other day she had a big scare, and didn't talk to Matt more than three minutes in two weeks... and never told him what happened, and she still won't tell him.  I just hope everything is okay.  It's going to be rough on his family when she finally passes.

Video games don't rule my life currently... I haven't been playing WoW in about two weeks now.  I've been working on getting the house organized and redecorated so I really haven't been all that interested in playing.  My online buddies are probably sad, but oh well.

I have been hanging out with my friends on a weekly basis.  Haven't been interested in drinking as much.  Trying to have a good time without feeling it in the morning.  Guess I'm really growing up.  I've been watching and learning more about the friends that I associate myself with.. I'm glad I have what I have.  I have an eduation, I have a job and I'm relatively happy. Some people are just not happy though... time to meet new people I guess.  I stopped hanging out with Kat permanently.  I won't go back to that destructive relationship.  I won't make that mistake again.  Some people are better off forgotten and left in the past.

Other than that, it's me just trying to figure out what I want in life.  I've had so much more free time now, it's been nice to just relax.  I've been doing a lot of soul searching to finally figure out what the causes of my frustrations are, what I want to change in my life and what I want to do.  I want to make it in this life so badly.  At least I'm at a turning point in my life.  Just need to find the right motivations to figure out what that means.